this is the life!

the title of this blog post is brought to you by my daughter nash, who has applied this phrase to both appropriate and not-so-appropriate moments. appropriate: at the grand ely lodge, looking out over a flat boundary waters lake while reclining in beach chairs: "this is the life!" not so appropriate: sitting on the toilet, going poop, waiting for me to wipe her: "this is the life!" not so sure that i agree with her in the latter situation, but you've gotta support her enthusiasm.

on to today!

5:30. the alarm went off. i have adopted the habit of putting my alarm across the bedroom so i have to actually get up to turn it off, the idea being that if i'm already out of bed, i may as well workout. so when it went off this morning, i got up and turned it off. and then i crawled right back into bed.

you see, i tossed and turned most of last night, yet again. i'm going on three nights of really restless sleep, if you can even call it sleep. the thing about insomnia is that it kind of builds on itself, like a tidal wave. by the time the 3rd or 4th night of not sleeping comes around, you are pretty much guaran-dang-teed that you aren't sleeping anytime soon. i don't know what this bout of insomnia is due to - it's a combination of things i guess. the kids are coming into our room at a lot at night, i have a knot the size of a small donkey that stretches from my neck to the top of my rib cage that has been killing me for about four days, and my tooth is bothering me. this stupid f*cking tooth has now exceeded it's allotted funds and i'm kind of just hoping that i wake up and it's the year 1835 and somebody with a cowboy hat and a bottle of whiskey just shows up and offers to tie one end of a string around the tooth, the other end around his horse, and ride off into the sunset, leaving me with a pain-free hole in my gums... and the bottle of whiskey of course.

6:30. toddler breath in the face, up and at 'em. i made myself breakfast, and it was way too much food given that i hadn't worked out. the rest of my day could be summed up this way as well: too.much.food.

co-mingled eggs with spinach, onions and tomatoes. strawberries.
and triangle toast-omg-triangle toast!

8:00. work time. so much fun!

10:00. smoothie time! this was amazing... vanilla protein powder, dark cocoa powder, a smidgen of honey and i splurged and did a whole frozen banana. see aforementioned comment re: too.much.food.

"my milkshake brings all the boys to the" wait...

12:30. i crammed lunch into my face, but i totally wasn't hungry. i knew i had to get to the kid's dentist appointment and wouldn't have a chance to eat until nearly 3pm if i didn't eat now. and 3pm was too long. so i forced myself to eat, again, too.much.food.

turkey. freggies. ww wrap.
the freggies are from nash and zeke's biological father's garden.
i suppose this is an appropriate relationship for us to have now - co-parenting and produce.

1:30. kids first dentist appointment. it was a smashing success. my children have thankfully not inherited my white hot dental fear.

3:30. this was the hardest 3:30 i've had in a while. for the first time in weeks, i purposely walked past all the candy dishes on my floor at work, with every intention to go nuts. thankfully, the candy dishes were empty except for dum-dums. and who wants to waste calories on those stupid things? again, i wasn't really hungry. i was super exhausted and stressed out, and so i went looking for sh*t to eat. i wandered back to my desk and got my presbyterian, or, um, predetermined snack out of the fridge.

greek yogurt peanut butter swirl. apple. weapon.

6:30. dinner time. this was delicious, but i just ate too.much.food. i didn't take a picture because i was too busy eating too.much.food... it was taco night at 1918, so i had a ww tortilla with chicken, black beans, sauteed peppers and onions, cheddar cheese, lime juice, salsa and greek yogurt. and when that was done, i had some lettuce with more chicken, more black beans, and more sauteed veggies.


and tonight i feel totally bloated and sick. this is how i used to feel all the time and it sucks.

and yes, you noticed correctly. i did not work out today either. so today on a scale of failure-to-success has been a fail-cess. or a successail.

tomorrow is a new day. until then,
ashley "don't know just what to do with myself" rebekah


  1. your armour (read: will power) is off and lying in the corner by the closet. So, you are therefore vulnerable to the slings and arrows of fate. and appetite. No sleep renders you the sheep in a 3 some of 2 wolves and you, voting on what's for dinner. Hang on, don't give up. Sooner or later you'll pass out and sleep, and then get right back up, suit up, and soldier on. You've put way too much into this to give up now. Don't punish yourself, just remember how good feeling good feels.

  2. wow, talk about a slew of mixed metaphors above! well, you get the message. 'co parenting and produce'. you KILL me.

  3. OH! and most important of all, it might have been too.much.food...but it was all GOOD food! No dum dums, no chips and other crappy crap m&m o'clock stuff. GOOD FOR YOU!

    1. precisely why i didn't deem it a total failure of a day. thank you!


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