so did i tell you about the time...? (warning: not for the squeamish or any of my male readers)

so did i tell you about the time that i decided to go run four miles with two dudes that i work with?

and that it’s day two of my period, which is hang-on-to-your-panties notoriously heavy?

and that right around mile two, i started to bleed so heavily around my super-plus tampon that it was soaking down my running tights, down my legs front and back for all of downtown and northeast minneapolis to see?

oh, believe me. i considered my options:
a) duck into a bathroom... no go, nothing on our route really, except for a few high falutin' restaurants that i'm sure didn't want to see what was going on in my nether regions. and a little toilet paper was not going to help this situation at all... i needed a full on hosing-down.
b) throw myself into the mighty mississippi and hope for the best...
or c) just keep running and pray for it all to be over soon.

frankly, i'm quite surprised if my male counterparts didn’t notice. but they didn’t say anything. and at times like this, i find deafening silence to be the best approach. some people might call this denial. i call it self-preservation.

at one point, i took off my hat to try and “wipe” some of "it" away, but good lord did that help? no. it just made this gigantic tan-ish stain all over the crotch of my running tights.

if there can be a bright side to this saga at all, it is twofold:
·         my running pants were black (thank the good lord in heaven, who, after the week i've had, really should have some f#cking mercy...)

take that patella femoral mal-alignment syndrome. i'm kicking you in the ass.

ashley "that ain't no sock in my crotch" rebekah


  1. OMG this post should come in a plain brown wrapper! So FUNNY bc so AWFUL. Happened to me in 7th grade art. Skirt. White tights. Skirt light tan. Need I go on? yourmom

    1. mom, i remember this happening to me in 8th grade too. i was wearing white jeans, which is never a good idea with our family hips. i got my period, but didn't really yet understand the gravity of the situation until i stood up from mrs. wehr's math class and had blood all over my white jeans. nailed it!

  2. Oh, jeez, have I been there...not running, that is just crazy, but the floodgate surprise. And since I was NEVER regular it was prone to happen anytime. I feel your pain. Well, not anymore, since I got that crap out, but I used to. Your honest portrayal is both admirable and wince-worthy for those of us who identify. Good on ya! Cindy

  3. This too happened to me in school. 9th grade chemistry. I got up to turn a test in and walked back to my seat only to have the cute boy sitting next to me tell me that there must have some chocolate on my chair because it was now on my pants. So I quickly wrapped my sweatshirt around my hips and excused myself. Living close to the high school I proceeded to them walk home, shower, change, cry a lot, and then make my way back there. Of course class was over when I got there by my teacher, bless his heart, had created a song about not being embarrassed and sang it to me as I entered to retrieve my papers and books. It's the worst feeling ever.
    So glad you're feeling better. I'm thinking about trying some paleo steps (thinking about it!) and would love to chat with you some more about it. I'm sure it's why your knee isn't hurting anymore. YEAH!!!

    1. oh emily!

      i only recently gave up having an extra garment to tie around my waist. i now wear/bring a scarf with me everywhere. i figure i could wrap it around my crotchal region like a diaper and it could potentially hide any malfeasants. yes?

      paleo FTW. let's chat.


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