i don't know who i am anymore

in the span of just one month, yes, one month, we have gone from being vegetarian to paleo. i have been known for making broad pendulum swings like this in my past. in fact, i'm kind of prone to them. so whatever. judge me if you must.

the paleo way of eating is basically lean meats/fish/poultry, vegetables up the hoo-ha, fruits (mostly berries i guess? i have a nice banana habit that i'm in no way shape or form ready to give up...), healthy fats like coconut oil, olive oil, avocados and, apparently, bacon. you're supposed to avoid dairy, any and all grains, legumes and processed foods. it seems like if you shop the perimeter of your grocery store, you've got it nailed.

seeing as i married ron swanson, the badger is pretty thrilled about this lifestyle change. so why the pendulum swing from not-eating-food-with-a-face to oh-my-god-BACON in just under a month?

my mom. i blame her completely. with a father who died very young from a stroke and a mother who lived long enough to prove that you can live well into your 90s with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, alarming depression and cancer, my mother doesn't have the strongest genes working in her favor when it comes to living a long and fruitful life. and she is having knee replacement surgery in a week. in the myriad of appointments she has gone through to get ready for this surgery at the mayo clinic, they recommended she consider the paleo way of eating since it helps to lower your body's inflammatory response (read: osteoarthritis, high cholesterol, etc.). she emailed me about a week ago and said "hey, this paleo thing. wanna do it with me?" and i said yes.

i know. i don't really get it yet either. "hey lady! you have high cholesterol! you know what you need? you need to eat bacon fried in bacon grease and then cook up a steak in some of that leftover bacon grease and top it with an avocado."

there is science behind this, and probably some math. i am not gifted in either of those studies, so i am in no way equipped to explain this to anyone. but these people are pretty good at explaining things:

www.everydaypaleo.com (this lady has a couple of kids that she feeds this way too, and they don't look emaciated or weak, so i figure that's a good thing?)
www.marksdailyapple.com (this is apparently "primal" and not "paleo", and i don't yet understand the difference... i think when you go "primal" you can eat cheese and swing from trees?)

before i went to the store to buy all the meat and vegetables that our budget could withstand, i posted on my facebook wall "paleo. thoughts?" thinking i would get a ton of people saying "you're nuts!" "you'll die!" "your kids are going to wither!" "you are going to hell to eat bacon with the devil!". instead, i got 33 comments from people who basically told me that it's the only way to eat. and these are not my crazy facebook friends who are kind of "out there" (come on, you know you have those cray-cray fb friends that you hide from your newsfeed too...). these are my normal, respected fb friends.

it's only been about five days now, and we've been pretty successful at home (quiche with an italian sausage crust, spaghetti squash with chicken and homemade red sauce, fudgy brownies made with figs & coconut oil, homemade almond nut "granola", kale smoothies). but i've had a bit of trouble at work.

on tuesday, i was locked in a conference room for an all-day working session and there were endless snacks in front of me that were, needless to say, not paleo-approved. coffee cake. cream cheese. brownies. potato chips. hummus. pretzels… i knew this day was coming, so i had armed myself with dried fruit, nuts and a salad. i avoided the temptations pretty well, except for about 3 large handfuls of buffalo wing potato chips around 2pm, and enough gum balls to literally kill a person. i justified the gum balls, since i wasn’t actually “swallowing” them, but I have no justification for the potato chips.

but seriously. come on people, i was LOCKED IN A CONFERENCE ROOM. WITH ALL THAT FOOD. ALL DAY LONG.

and then yesterday, i was in a two-hour training where they ordered lunch. we're not talking salads and trays of meat. oh no. it was a PIZZA LUNCH. it was my own living hell, trying to avoid all that pizza. by the mercy of god, they did order some salads, so i had a plateful of salad and then scooped the pineapple and Canadian bacon off of two pieces of pizza and threw away the crust (sorry hungry children in other countries). but it really just sucked looking around the room at all the skinny people eating all the pizza crust they wanted and looking all the amazing.

i’m starting to feel like a recovering meth-head who’s been locked in a dark room full of needles and other users. there is bread and wheat and grain everywhere. ohmygodEVERYWHERE.

in four days, i feel amazing though. really. amazing. my 3pm sugar binges are pretty much non-existent, i'm not hungry inbetween my meals, and i woke up today without an alarm clock. this has never in my 34 years of life, ever, happened.

i have noticed however, that i'm sweating a lot more? like a LOT more. it's kinda gross. is this the meat sweats?

it's an interesting experiment. i'll try to keep ya'll updated.

gnawing on bacon,


  1. you are wonderful

  2. Ha! Love the post, Ashley! Paleo is quite a switch from vegetarian and I'll be interested to hear how it goes for you and the family. PaleOMG is one of my favorite blogs too. Juli is a hoot! Lots of fun posts.

    Thanks for another chuckle with this post. :)

  3. This seems a lot to me like the old Atkins diet - it was meat, etc and unlimited fruits/veggies. But they did include dairy. I have sugar/bread cravings from morning to late night! It's my addiction. I hope this works for ya, Ash (JB)


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