breaking the rules.

when in the midst of sleep training twin toddlers and wanting to do it right, it's good to sometimes forget the rules...

try to forget that the american academy of pediatrics says to let your baby (or babies) "cry it out", and go to your crying 22 month old daughter, who, for whatever reason on this particular night, does not want to go "night night". and when she calls out "mama! mama!", f*ck the rules and go to her.

and when you go up the stairs and turn the corner into her dark and cozy room, you may just trip over a forlorn sippy cup which has been thrust from the hands of it's rightful owner for some great and equally unknown reason. try to forget that you nearly just fell directly into your daughters crib as you tripped over said sippy cup...

and forget turning on the lights, because what you sense you do not need your eyes for. just reach your strong, mama arms into her crib. and although the room is just as dark to her little eyes, she will find your hands reaching for hers, and in that sweet darkness, she will grab ahold tightly.

forget that you might wake up the other sleeping toddler, and pick up the one who is crying, wrapped up in a blanket that she's been clinging to since she was 72 hours old...

and now. remember... remember just how beautiful and sweet it is when this flesh of your own flesh nuzzles her sweet little face into the crook of your neck and drapes her tender little forearm over your shoulder. remember that sweet smell of her freshly cleaned hair and baby aura, and breathe it in deep. remember how truly lovely it is to cuddle your baby girl until she falls so asleep in your arms that the cadence of her sleeping breath matches your own as you rock together in that hand-me-down rocker, wrapped up in each other.

and that's exactly what i did tonight.


  1. OK trying again...tried to post this earlier, no luck, hope it doesn't show up as a duplicate... I LOVED not only your instinctive actions, but your eloquent description of same. As Holly said, do it often, the time flies... a 'forest' often missed for the 'trees' by the eggheads writing sleep training instructions. And forgive me for inferring a great metaphor from your reaching into the crib in the darkness...much as we poor adult humans often reach upward in our darkness for Loving Arms that know just where we are...


  2. ashley. amazing story. amazing description. swoon.

  3. Mmmm I love this post. Beautiful. I held my son in the middle of the night last night, and I could feel the flutter of his little eyelashes on my cheek, and I thought my heart might burst out of my chest. Doesn't get any better than that.


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