how online dating earned me a 6-month prescription for antidepressants and sleep aids.

This entire story should be prefaced by the following – I’ve been in some kind of a relationship with a boy or a man since I was 15 years old. I’ve been married twice, and the father of my beautiful twins is neither of those former husbands. I’ll leave the timeline of those events for your wild imaginations to work out. And I haven’t even told you about the drummer in college who dumped me in a Motel 6 parking lot, the boy in high school who left me for the slut who would sleep with him when I wouldn’t, or the countless other heartbreaks I have survived in my 25 years of attempting to find a man that I want to keep around. That’s a quarter of a century spent with some variation of the very wrong man for me. That is a long fucking time.

umami is just a fancy word for MSG.

Let's skip the whole "Why haven't you blogged in more than a year" conversation, and jump right to Sambal Oelek. I have a deep love for Sambal Oelek. My love for Sambal Oelek knows no bounds. Sambal Oelek, or "S.O." as i like to call it (significant other = Sambal Oelek, fitting for my current stage of life), is my perfect dream food because it combines my love of spice (8-12 dashes of tabasco in a bloody mary is a good start), with my love for all things umami and sultry-salty.

a look back on 2015, the "after" that just wasn't

as i look back on my blog posts from 2015 (that encompassed all of january through march, and then 4 random posts this past fall), i'm sad. okay, not really sad, more, just disappointed. in myself, in my wavering commitment, in the fact that i spent the year continuing to be a fatty-face. now that i've hooked you with this positive introduction, please don't leave! it's gonna get better. i promise/it has to...

fuck you, pioneer woman... and other thoughts.

Did I get your attention with the title? Did I? Well, you're welcome, and thank you for continuing to read as we get to the point of this post.

real food days 3-5, and a recipe

as far as eating whole, real foods instead of fake wanna-be-foods that are more sugar and chemicals than real nutrients, days 3-5 were about 85% on track. the truth is, i still have a couple bags of dutch crunch potato chips in my house. and when i'm tired and stressed, i just want to shove all.the.chips into my face. so, now that i've done some grocery shopping and successfully pushed the potato chips off on my husband, i think this week will go even better.

real food day 2.

today was amazing! totally awesome! couldn't have been better!

just kidding. it fucking sucked.

there are words. so many words.

it's been a while. it's been so much of a while that i don't even really know where to start with what to say as far as my absence, what i've been doing, the weight i've lost, then gained. blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring. instead, i'll just write a story and share some words. because i tried to post this as a facebook status, and The Facebook blocked me (too many words). so. enjoy.