monday, a summary in less than 1000 words

1.

while i was at work today, a suspected break-in happened at the house. the nanny had taken the kids to the park, and when she returned, she found the door standing open. we have had a rash of these in our neck of the woods lately. apparently, with school not yet being in session, the youngin's of the neighborhood have run out of things to do. the nanny went to a neighbor's house, who helped her with the kids and checked the house for missing items and/or a crazy psychopath lurking in a dark closet somewhere. nothing missing, and no psychopath found. crisis #1 averted.

2.

while checking the house for the aforementioned psychopath, our beloved brittany spaniel "levi", sensing that his caregivers were just distracted enough that he could make it to the screen door, made a run for the hills... and run he did! the nanny took off in hot pursuit of the furry beast, to no avail. two men helping a neighbor move offered to help her. the furry beast was later found sipping scotch and snacking on brie and crackers, and was returned to his rightful home. crisis #2 averted.

3.

upon my arrival home from work, my mother, a retired RN (this information will be useful to you later) helped me walk the kids around what we have dubbed "the bowl" - an empty grass-filled basin across from our house that makes for a nice running zone for kids and pets. while walking in the bowl, zeke fell and twisted his left leg. upon resuming his correct and upright posture, we realized that he was walking with his left foot turned out and a significant limp. my mother, the retired RN, did a quick inspection and deduced that it's probably not a dislocated hip or broken bone, hopefully just a pulled ligament. not wanting to spend the time or the money on one more ER trip for these two, i decided to throw 24 hours and some tylenol at it. crisis #3 somewhat averted...

4.

approximately five seconds after zeke's leg incident, nashota dale face planted, head-over-the-handlebars of her new house-trike onto the hardwood floor of the living room, landing on her lower lip. why she decided to land lip-first, i will never understand. when i found her, she was gushing blood all herself, the floor, the trike, me, and the popsicle i was trying to ram down her throat so she'd stop screaming and i could wipe the blood to see if we were, in fact, making the aforementioned trip to the ER. after many tears and blood-soaked flour sacks later, the aforementioned nurse and i could see that her lip was not split nearly as bad as the blood would've had you believe, and we decided to throw another 24 hours and some ice at it. crisis #4 not averted, but not as bad as it could've been...

dinner time was one tantrum after another over a much beloved sippy cup which we only have one of, and the subsequent bath time ritual was sheer and utter bliss.

i am now on the couch with a pot of red sauce burbling on the stove and am enjoying a stiff vodka tonic. f*ck you, monday.