after. day 44.

day 44 could also be subtitled "i've been wandering in the dessert longer than jesus himself and enough is enough."

as i was perusing some food and fitness blogs today, i stumbled upon this gal. and something she said really struck me... nay, it slapped me in the face. if you read the post, she talks a bit about the psychology of weight loss and how detrimental it can be to your success if all you focus on are the things you are doing wrong versus celebrating all the things you are doing right. i know a handful of you have been telling me to quit the self-loathing for a while now, but it kind of hit me today. my brain and my heart were just in right place at right time to hear it and receive it today.

my former-boss-now-friend bruce says it this way: "we write our victories in the sand, and our failures in concrete."

well, i'm gonna try and start (or stop?). today. i am making a conscious decision to focus on all the things i'm doing right, on the good habits i've made for myself these past 40+ days wandering in this "desert" (desert... dessert... mmm, dessert...). at the end of each post, you will see three healthy habits that i did that day that made me feel empowered, stronger and more in control of my life and my choices. i'm not sure what i'm going to call them yet. maybe "three throw downs" or "triple threat triumphs" or "today's triple triumphs"? not sure. let's figure it out together, shall we?

5:20am. the alarm went off for a morning run. but i did not get up. i actually laid there thinking about how i would write on the blog about the amazingly comfortable pillow i just purchased from costco, and how cuddly and warm the badger is, and how i love the soft, grey light of morning that filters into our room through the black and white drapes... so i didn't get up at 5:20am. but i'm not going to fixate on that one negative thing anymore, because i still got a run in later in the day. and even if i didn't? big fucking deal. let's move on with life.

7:30am. get in my belly, you tropically green and seductive smoothie: 

look. i know this picture is gross.

8:15am. once at work, i realized that i had only consumed a half-mug of coffee at home. THE HORROR! so i marched my ass over to caribou and got a large medium roast with a shot of espresso in hopes that it would taste something like dark roast. they too, apparently, are weaning off of brewing dark roast, which i just do not understand. please, PLEASE, may this light-roast-trend end soon. this non-hipster would be very grateful.

while there, i also picked up an earnest eats oatmeal energy bar. because carbs. but it also had quite a bit of sugar and needless shit. so you know what i did? i ate half. then i put it away. i realized half way through that if i continued eating, it would be because it was sitting there in front of me, not because i was truly hungry. so i put it away and just like that, voila, i stopped thinking about it.

oh yes it is, viggo. oh. yes. it. is.

11:45am. lunch time. i fixed myself some leftovers from last night: coriander-cauliflower rice, cumin-lime chicken, fajita veggies, 1/2 an avocado and some cherry tomatoes.

come on, that's a pretty good picture.

2:30pm. this is my typical afternoon slump, also known as boredom-eating-o'clock. i fixed myself a mug of green-ginger tea with some honey and pulled out the other half of that earnest eats bar. but then i looked at it and realized that i wasn't in the slightest bit hungry. so i put it away. this is such a novel idea to me, and it shouldn't be. so i'm rewiring myself. i'm playing electrician with my bad habits.

oh my god. a star wars and an LOTR reference in one blog post?
i'm pretty much a dude now.

3:30pm. i decided i was a little bit hungry, and i was planning to go for a run after work and wanted something to burn. food is fuel, after all. isn't that it's intended purpose?

this looks gross. it looks like a peanut butter monster threw up on my apple slices.
i assure you, there was no monster or vomiting involved.

5:00pm. at the gym with all the other gym rats. the temperature outside was 8 degrees today, so i figured running inside made more sense. instead of doing my typical 'slow and slower' 8-10 minute intervals and then walking for a spell, i decided to do some pyramids to mix it up and make it more exciting! the pyramid i found online was:
- warm up for 5 minutes
- easy jog for 3 minutes
- fast jog for 2 minutes
- sprint for 1 minute
... then repeat the 3-2-1's three more times

all in all, it went pretty well. i still had to take a few walk breaks, but i'm getting more consistent and running is more fun than i remember it being, which feels really good.

6:15pm. home from the gym and starving! i decided to whip up some sweet potato hash. i diced up a sweet potato and boiled it. then i cooked up some onion and some leftover carnitas in a pan and let those babies fry up. then i threw in the now softened sweet potato and seasoned with coriander, cumin, salt and pepper. i threw in about 3 big handfuls of kale, put a lid on it, sang the song "turn down for what", and let the kale steam a bit. then i buried 4 eggs in the whole mix and BOOM. sweet potato hash. this made a fuck load of hash, and i ate enough for one person. huh. fancy that, eh?

today's triple triumphs:

  • i ate about 80% of my lunch and my dinner, and both times i was totally full and satiated. i did not keep shoving food into my face mindlessly. oh my god, that's a negative statement buried in a positive one. stop it!
  • when i wanted to eat at 2:30 out of pure habit, i stopped myself and waited until i was hungry.
  • i had an awesome run at the gym, i think partly due to my amazing new playlist.
that's all for today folks,
ashley "turn down for what" rebekah

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